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| hahahha dsglkjsdgsd |
| 03.21.05 (8:14 pm) [edit] |
wow. the last time i wrote was.. forever ago. i forgot to check the date.
hmm. yeah. lol. 12/23/03. over a year ago. dang.
a couple of minor updates.. i'm in high school lol. freshman. taking: algebra 1 CD, ceramics, PE, biology, english 1 honors, & ancient civ honors. it's a major struggle these days, mostly from my last three classes mentioned. like, totally struggle-ish. i hardly have time for stuff i'd normally do.
i have to do a 10 minute seminar/presentation in about 2-3 weeks. big exam on friday for bio also. tests on thursday and friday. lotsa junk.
next yr i'm taking geometry.. chemistry.. english 2 h.. something.. something.. and maybe drama. i miss it from 8th grade with emily and vanessa; even though i'm around vanessa most of the day at school. arghlkgkldjgs me and my friend went to a musical on saturday lol. it was fun. seems like fun. that's where the idea of drama and stuff popped up, and if it's offered during the summer i'm gonna take it w/ my friend.
HMMM. what else. most of the people mentioned on almost overall all of the past posts i've written are gone lol. either they moved, changed high schools/went to a diff one than me, disappeared, or the friendship went crazy and now there's nothing. like. there's this one chick that i completely hate who i've mentioned before (not hateful stuff i think). she's been hanging around with whoever and they taught her how to treat her friends like crap and be a bitch. so she started doing it. and repeating every word that i say in a different tone/form. grrr. well, i said, "I'm so not talking to you." and she made a scene in front of my other friend crying blah blah blah and shit making me look like a bad person. turns out that my friend didn't like her anyways and none of them do. haha. that's what she gets.
hmm.. yet she continues to constantly stare at me and my homies and talk about me which is indeed true. but i'm over it, i hate her with a passion. other than her i have maybe one to two enemies, it's nothing crazy though. one's a wannabe chola and the other is a liar. eww.
yeah. i spend my days (when i'm able to..) playing halo 2 mastering my skillz. playing guitar; which reminds meee that i got a new guitar for my birthday april 26 last year, and there are exactly 35 days 2 hours and 39 minutes remaining until my bday when i'll turn 15. yay. i'm going to go to hollywood and see the stars on the ground and do the little tours & that theater... and stuff with my mom and grandma. shall indeed be fun. annnd i also plan to go to the mall and pick something from Coach YAY. even better. but it's mucho dollars so i'm not for shizzle/sure on that one.
i should get going. i have to go get my laundry and then do the rest of my homework then finally sleeeeeeep. which i don't get much of these days. argghh. and now that i think about it, i haven't slept (like actually SLEEP longer than 8+ hours) in forever. i went from 8th grade to summer school to high school.. and then if i go to summer school again i'll have 0 sleep and go to high school for my sophomore yr.. hmm. yeah. gotta go.
maybe i'll write something next year lol. go to my other blog: http://whitestripegirl.tblog.com" title="http://whitestripegirl.tblog.com" target="_blank"http://whitestripegirl.tblog...... i have my myspace addy on there and stuff. yeeeaaaaayyyuuuuuuh. oh! and i've developed an adoration for Lil Jon lol i love him.
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| New Blog |
| 12.22.03 (2:16 pm) [edit] |
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Yup, I have a new blog. I've had it for a couple of days, actually. [url=http://vcalderon.tblog.com]Click here[/url] to go to it.
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| You Know What? |
| 12.17.03 (8:42 pm) [edit] |
Read [url=http://rollinjoe.tblog.com]this[/url]. Very insteresting. He hates me now.
What made me be on your list, Joe? Did this just happen today?
You're the one who is not talking to me. I've tried talking to you for like a week but no, you're mad.
You're mad for such a stupid reason.
What did I ever lie about?
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| :)))))))))))) |
| 12.17.03 (4:40 pm) [edit] |
I'm so happy! Lisa gave me my present today and it was a DVD of The White Stripes. I already knew that though because she told me lol. So I wasn't surprised but I was extremely happy.
Claudia gave me lotion and body spray. I like it! :D I gave her one of those Italian Charm things. It was a yellow hibiscus with red, and I gave Lisa one but it was a cherry instead. They're so expensive. I spent $12.00 each on those little things, so I'm going to wrap up this thing we have that my grandma bought. They're See's Candies or whatever. It's a box with 30 things in there so I'm going to give it to Lisa and Claudia, so they could each get 15. That too was $12 something.
Tomorrow's Thursday... blah. I have a math test. Mr. Chao said it's "easy, easy!".... That's what he said on the last quiz and the average percentage was like 40% lol.
Right now I'm just sitting here. I already watched the DVD. My grandparents are home with dinner. Acapulco. :D
Denise's x-mas party thing at her house is after school on Friday, and Amy's party is at 6:30 PM that day. Lotsa people are going.
Some of them I don't like... :evil:
But I do like one person who's going a lot... :D
Well I should get going. I have math homework to do... like 50-60 something problems.. :( Oh joy..
I want a new blog. I feel like, out of place. I don't know.
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| pms |
| 12.16.03 (6:11 pm) [edit] |
Joe finally talked to me.. yup.
roxy_v123 (5:58:35 PM): Why are you all mad still?
talljoe22 (5:58:59 PM): Lets see
talljoe22 (5:59:12 PM): DO U THINK IM FUCKIN MAD SHERLOCK
talljoe22 (5:59:22 PM): ITS SO FUCKIN OBVIOUS
roxy_v123 (5:59:26 PM): I asked WHY are you mad.
talljoe22 (5:59:32 PM): OMG
talljoe22 (5:59:42 PM): IM NOT GOING TO EVEN AGNOLEDGE THAT
roxy_v123 (5:59:54 PM): Just tell me why..
talljoe22 (6:00:04 PM): IM NOT GONNA BOTHER
talljoe22 (6:00:10 PM): FUCK THIS
roxy_v123 (6:00:12 PM): Just tell me.
talljoe22 (6:00:16 PM): ITS U
roxy_v123 (6:00:20 PM): Why are you mad?
talljoe22 (6:00:33 PM): U ARE SO FUCKIN STUPID
roxy_v123 (6:00:40 PM): Okay, tell me why.
So then he got off and I called him. I dunno everything that he said.. I heard "Stop calling me!" and "You're a f'n idiot".. etc.. stuff like that. Uh so yeah he's still extremely mad, I don't know why. And you know what?
I don't think he even knows why he's mad.
He's not telling me why.. I've asked a bunch of times and he goes all crazy on me.
:roll: Don't you hate it when guys are PMS-ing? :P
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| Weird |
| 12.15.03 (3:42 pm) [edit] |
Today wasn't great but it was good in a way. The only bad thing was that we had to do the mile. It wasn't that bad actually, aside from Mr. Lewis saying, "We need to get the twins moving!" when Vanessa and I walked past him. Grrr.
He says our class went negative.. uh oh. If we have to do those stupid relay things (running or the scooter one), I'll be soo mad. I hate doing that.. even though I've only done it once for the scooter thing and did less than half of the running one because I went in the bathroom to throw up.. :? But I didn't do that so hopefully if we do it tomorrow, I won't.
Hmm. Daniel and this other guy (I don't know his name) were following Lisa, Claudia and I around after lunch. They said they want to be part of our "posse". They were getting on Claudia & Lisa's nerves. I really didn't care whether they were there or not. They don't bug me.
Pamela said that Lisa told her who I like, well who I used to. I don't care. And she said that there is someone else that I like but she does not know who and that Lisa said that I like Daniel L. and it is "totally obvious"... uhhh... WHAT?
Daniel L. is the guy who Khrysten kissed, so why would I like him? I've never talked to him EVER. I don't even really know him! Maybe she meant Daniel B? Ewww. No. Seriously, I would never. I hardly talk to him either. Daniel A., I don't know, and I would not like him ever either. And Daniel C..... no. lol. Those are the only Daniels I know and I don't like any of them.
I think that you can kind of tell that I like..... the other person. (There name is not Daniel either...) That's a little obvious but oh well.
Today in 6th period the class was voting on a movie to watch. Peter Pan was one of the choices lol (they are all Disney movies...) and so the teacher said, "Ok, who wants to watch Peter Pan?" and this guy shouted, "HEY! THAT'S MICHAEL JACKSON'S MOVIE!!" and no one was really laughing and I was like HAAAAAAAAAAAhahahHAHAHHAH AH and I was laughing all loud for like 3 minutes. So fun.
Hmmm. Well I have homework to do. I'm probably not going to do it.. it's just 2 more questions. :?: I don't know why but today is just really weird.
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| Soo Tired |
| 12.14.03 (5:30 pm) [edit] |
Omigosh, I think that I can actually go to sleep right now. I'm so tired!! I woke up like so early and ugh. The party thing was extremely boring. Christina is no longer going to be in my will. :D We're in a "fight"...
Uhh. I wasn't that cold today. Kinda shocking, because it was raining a lot. I got home about 35-40 minutes ago, and I think I have homework...
Oh well. I'm going to get off of the computer now. Joe's not responding to my hello. No one's on.
My grandma and I got my guitar yesterday so I'm like all messing with it. Fun. 8) Well I'll be on later tonight, I don't know for sure.
~Vannessa
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| Whoa |
| 12.14.03 (8:37 am) [edit] |
I haven't been on the computer in like, a full day. Yesterday I was so busy. I went to the Brea Mall with my grandma and I spent 3 hours trying to look for gifts for my friends.
I have everyone's gifts. I couldn't get Fallon or some other people anything. I ran out of money. But.. that's ok, I'm giving the people I couldn't get candy canes.
Well today I have to go to this stupid party my grandma is having at her work. Luckily Christina is going so I can actually have someone to talk to. Argh, I gotta go. My grandma is nagging for me to get ready. I don't see why, when it is 8:36 AM and we have to leave at 12... :roll:
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| Wonderful Day! :) |
| 12.12.03 (7:43 pm) [edit] |
Today is probably one of the best days I've had all week. I'm starting to talk to someone that I like.. a lot more. :D So that's great.
Today I walked home with Lisa, Amy, Haro, Jeremy, Trevor, and some other people who I don't think I know. It was so fun. Trevor tripped me twice so that wasn't great. Lisa said that I jumped when he tripped me. I don't know how I did that lol but everyone was all laughing. It was fun.
After school, I went on the computer for a bit, watched tv, and went with my grandma to go get giftbags at this store and wrapping paper too. Afterwords, we went to Red Robin and had dinner there. Then we went to the cheapest place in the world - the dollar tree store. My gawd, I hate it there. We were there for about 30 minutes and it was hell. Soo boring!!
Well that's pretty much my day. I have an eye doctor appointment tomorrow at 11:30 AM I think. Then, I have to go get a flu shot. Once that's done, my grandma and I are going to go to the Brea Mall!! Yayyyy. I have to buy my friends their presents. But I only have $60.00 to spend... that's like not enough because I have to buy almost 15 people.
I'm so tired. I think I'm going to go to bed right now... 7:41 PM.. :shock:
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| ok!! |
| 12.11.03 (5:22 pm) [edit] |
I don't know how to put this.. but I'll try to. I was on the phone with Joe and he started bitching at me because I filled out this dumb survey thing about my friends, and for the Funniest, I put Trevor instead of Joe. Okay, I just put the first person that came to my head once I read that, OKAY, JOE?? DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT? IT SEEMS LIKE WHENEVER I TRY TO EXPLAIN SOMETHING TO YOU, YOU'RE NOT LISTENING.
So he's all mad at me for the dumbest reason. I'm like, omg whatever. Then, we're talking and he said something about him being an actor, and I said, "You're not an actor, I said you'd be good as one." and he was like "well I'm a comedian" and I was like "No you're not." and he was all, "WELL F YOU TOO THEN!"
I hung up.
Okay, Joe, if I ever hang up on you and you ask me why, it's because you're always pissing me off. I get fed up with you a lot. You are soo mean to me. You call me your friend. Psh. I even call you my friend.. well, some friend you are. :roll: I don't cuss at you, I don't put you down, I'm definately not mean to you.
So why do you have to act so rude towards me? I don't get it. And you know what? Whenever we stop talking, I'm always the one who will start talking first. Always. If I hang up or you hang up, I'll call back within 5 minutes. If you say you won't talk to me for a week, I'll attempt to talk to you within 5 days. Why? 'Cause I'm nice. Or maybe it's just because I care about you. Maybe that's why you act like you hate me most of the time; because you don't care about me.
[i]Yeah. That's probably it...[/i]
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| HAPPY BIRTHDAY EMILY AND NATALIE! |
| 12.10.03 (5:07 pm) [edit] |
Happy birthday Emily!!!! :D
Happy birthday Natalie!!!! :D
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| Ouch |
| 12.09.03 (7:16 pm) [edit] |
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I was writing my summary for C.E. and I had to erase something, so I turned my lead pencil over and like I can't explain it, but somehow I stabbed my thumb with the lead pencil.. it hurts. It was bleeding a bit. I have a bandage on it right now. :(
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| Current Events: Day 2 |
| 12.09.03 (5:03 pm) [edit] |
Today wasn't that bad. I am actually starting to get the hang of C.E. lol. Surprise. I liked computers better but this is okay.
We had an assembly today. Ivanna got Husky of the Month. Not really a shock. She's so nice. And way smart too. Adriane was one of the Citizens of the Month. That's not so shocking either. She always gets those lol.
Umm. Okay so now I have to buy more presents for more people. So far I have only gotten Emily's gift.
Today was a good day. I don't know why. It wasn't that fun. Well, in PE it was like the funnest ever. I was laughing so hard. Vanessa, Emily, and I played paddle tennis with Daniel O. and Matt C. Emily was growling like a dog and it was just really funny. We knocked the tennis ball over the fence and into the street. These Mexican guys pulled over and one got out of the car and threw it over to us. I was like, "Gracias!!" lol. Really fun.
I have homework. That's not so fun.. Oh well, I might as well get started. I want to go to sleep.
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| Current Events: Day #1 |
| 12.08.03 (10:01 pm) [edit] |
Omigosh, MRS. MUNIZ PLEASE TAKE ME, EMILY AND VANESSA BACK TO BEING YOUR T.A'S!!! I absolutely hate current events with Mr. Owens. The class seems too small and it's like, I don't know. Weird.
We had to read the newspaper for 5-10 minutes, pick a story, and write a page about it. Then once we're all done with that, he'll call on people and ask what they're story is about and all that junk. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it!
I thought this was the last week of school. I was wrong. We have one more week! Grrr. Right now I'm filling out my Holiday Grams for school. I still need to buy more.
Khrysten didn't attempt to talk to me today again. Finally. I guess she realized that I [i]don't[/i] like her. My grandma asked me who I'm getting presents for and I told her, and then I said, "I'm not getting one for Khrysten." and she was like "Ok!" lol. It's 'cause the less people I get presents for, the more money she has to spend.
Well I got to go, grandma needs the computer. Bye.
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| My "Dad", Alejandro Calderon |
| 12.07.03 (9:40 pm) [edit] |
Here's the loser himself!! :P
[image]Vannessa_56912522.jpg[/image]
[image]Vannessa_177673445 .jpg[/image]
[image]Vannessa_132334144 6.jpg[/image]
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| From The Inside |
| 12.07.03 (2:05 pm) [edit] |
I don't know who to trust
No surprise
Everyone feels so far away from me
Heavy thoughts sift through dust
And the lies.
Trying not to break
But I'm so tired of this deceit
Every time I try to make myself
Get back up on my feet.
All I ever think about is this
All the tiring time between
And how trying to put my trust in you
Just takes so much out of me.
Take everything from the inside
And throw it all away
'Cause I swear for the last time
I won't trust myself with you.
Tension is building inside steadily
Everyone feels so far away from me
Heavy thoughts forcing their way
Out of me.
Trying not to break
But I'm so tired of this deceit
Every time I try to make myself
Get back up on my feet.
All I ever think about is this
All the tiring time between
And how trying to put my trust in you
Just takes so much out of me.
Take everything from the inside
And throw it all away
'Cause I swear for the last time
I won't trust myself with you.
I won't waste myself on you, you, you
Waste myself on you, you, you.
I'll take everything from the inside
And throw it all away
'Cause I swear for the last time
I won't trust myself with you.
Everything from the inside
And just throw it all away
'Cause I swear for the last time
I won't trust myself on you, you, you.
--[i]Linkin Park[/i]
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| Oh Nooo! :( |
| 12.07.03 (1:52 pm) [edit] |
I haven't really wrote anything on tBlog lately about what I've actually done. On Friday, I went to Acapulco with my grandparents and my great-grandpa.
He's so nice. When we were done eating dinner, my grandma was like talking about ostrich burgers and stuff. It was disgusting. I was like, "How can you even eat THAT?"
So I got a napkin and asked for a pen and my great grandpa gave me one. I drew like this ostrich head in a burger and it said "DON'T EAT BIRDS!" My great-grandpa got a real kick outta that.
He was laughing so hard. I like it when elderly people are happy. Elderly means old, right?.. lol I don't know. I think? Well anyways, he was so happy that night. Made me feel good to see that. :D
So we kept on talking for like 30 minutes. Somehow we all started talking about guitars, and my great-grandpa said he has 5 acoustic ones. He said he'd give me one. Soooo nice. :D He said they're like old but they're in really good conditions and stuff.
But then my grandma said I'm getting an acoustic guitar for Christmas, so he might not give me one of his lol. Darn. :( Oh well.
Uhhh, so we drove him home and then we were on our way home. Got home at 10 something. It was fun that night.
Yesterday I just stayed home. Played this Sonic Pinball thing for Gameboy Advance/SP/whatever. I'm addicted. I spent about 3 hours playing it. Today, only an hour. But the day's not over. :P
Today, my mom came down and talked to my grandma. My grandma said that she has to go to the doctor.. umm. And my mom was like, "Yeah, I haven't gone since I've had Daniel." So like.. yeah. And they were talking about pap smears and stuff and I was like omg stop.. and they kept going. It was disgusting.
So right now I'm just here, chatting, listening to music. Very boring day. Omigosh, today's Sunday!!! I didn't know!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That means tomorrow is school, which means that I have Mr. Owens tomorrow, which means.. ahhh! :shock:
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| Cute! |
| 12.06.03 (11:20 pm) [edit] |
I took this picture with my webcam.. of Jack White on TV.. kinda bright. :? He looked soooo cute on the TV. Well whatever, he's still cute here :D :
[image]Vannessa_95022425.jpg[/image]
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| OMG |
| 12.06.03 (10:53 pm) [edit] |
Well I was just laying down right now watching SNL on E! Umm. So I'm about to just get up and change it, and right before I almost did, I seen Meg & Jack White. I was like, what??? I was all, [i]are they going to make fun of them or something?[/i]
Nope! This guy on TV announced them going to perform or something and then before I know it, they're right there playing!!
So I'm like totally shocked and I was on the floor looking for my lamp's cord so I can plug it in, turn it on, and find the Record button on my VCR. I'm panicking, looking for the cord, and looking at Jack White.
I finally found the stupid cord. Yeah. I turned it on, put my video tape in and pressed the record button. Mhmm. I only got the last 25-30 seconds of the song, though.
But hey, it's worth it. :wink:
[u]I'm never going to unplug my lamp ever again.[/u]
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| Current Events!!! |
| 12.05.03 (11:41 am) [edit] |
I got my schedule today for the 2nd trimester. I have Mr. Owens!! Current Events!! That's not cool. I didn't want it but it doesn't really matter because if I had Art for an elective then I would have that next.
Well right now we get to watch Finding Nemo. I love that little turtle, it's cute! :D lol It sounds funny. Like static-ky.
At Nutrition, Khrysten was like, "Vannessa, can we talk?" and I was like, "Uhh no." and like she was like "Please Vannessa. We've been friends since we were like 8 years old!" and I was like "Okay. No." and she was like, "Come on Vannessa. I don't want to lose you as a friend. We've been friends for like 4 years and I don't want that too end. We've been friends for so long. Pleeeeaaassseee Vannessa???"
I was like looking the other way and I was like, "Nope." and she was like, "I've done worser things like that and you weren't mad at me." and I was like, "What did you do?" and she said, "You know.. Joe.. but you weren't mad about that, at least I don't think so." and I was like, "Yeah I was. I never wanted you to do that. I was disappointed in you." and she was like, "Well it was just a joke, Vannessa. Don't be mad at me, please. Please Vannessa. Pleeeaaaseee. Vannessaaaa!! It's not a big deal. I swear I'll never do it again!!! PLEASE VANNESSA!" and I said.. "No."
So she was like, "Are you ever going to talk to me again?" and I said, "I don't know."......and then the bell rang. Gawd I don't want to be friends with her!!!! Why doesn't she understand that??!??! :?
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| Aww |
| 12.04.03 (11:46 am) [edit] |
We finished reading Flowers for Algernon in 1st/2nd period today. I almost cried. :( It was sad..
Well tomorrow is Natalie's birthday. I have to get her something!! I don't know what to get her though. I have to get Emily something too. And Denise and Adriane and like everyone.. for Christmas. I don't think I can get them something by tomorrow because my grandparents work like all day and there isn't a mall around here. The closest one is kind of far away if I walked but there isn't even anything good there except for like one store, and I don't think Natalie even likes the kind of stuff that they sell.
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| Flowers For Algernon |
| 12.03.03 (6:09 pm) [edit] |
[b]P[/b]rogris riport 1-martch 5 1965
Dr. Strauss says I shud rite down what I think and evrey thing that happins to me from now on. I dont know why but he says its importint so they will see if they will use me. Miss Kinnian says maybe they can make me smart. I want to be smart. My name is Charlie Gordon. I am 37 years old and 2 weeks ago was my birthday. I have nuthing more to rite now so I will close for today.
progris riport 2-martch 6
I had a test today. I think I faled it. and I think that maybe now they wont use me. What happind is a nice young man was in the room and he had some white cards with ink spillled all over them. He sed Charlier what do you see on this card. I was very skared even tho I had my rabits foot in my pockit because when I was a kid I always faled tests in school and I spillled ink to.
I told him I saw a inkblot. He said yes and it make me feel good. I thot that was all but when I got up to go he stopped me. He said now sit down Charlie we are not thru yet. Then I dont remember so good but he wantid me to say what was in the ink. I dint see nuthing in the ink but he said there was picturs there other pepul saw some picturs. I couldnt see any picturs. I reely tryed to see. I held the card close up and then far away. Then I said if I had my glases I coud see better I usually only ware my glases in the movies or TV but I said they are in the closit in the hall. I got them. Then I said let me see that card agen I bet Ill find it now.
I tryed hard but I still coudnt find the picturs I only saw the ink. I told him maybe I need new glases. He rote something down on a paper and I got skared of faling the test. I told him it was a very nice inkblot with littel points all around the eges. He looked very sad so that wasnt it. I said please let me try agen. Ill get it in a few minits becaus Im not so fast somtimes. Im a slow reeder too in Miss Kinnians class for slow adults but I'm trying very hard.
He gave me another chance with another card that had 2 kinds of ink spilled on it red and blue.
He was very nice and talked slow like Miss Kinnian does and he explaned it to me that it was a [i]raw shok[/i]. He said pepul see things in the ink. I said show me where. He said think. I told him I think a inkblot but that wasnt rite eather. He said what does it remind you-pretend somthing. I told him I pretned a fowntan pen with ink leeking all over a table cloth. Then he got up and went out.
I dont think I passd the [i]raw shok[/i] test.
progris report 3-martch 7
Dr Strauss and Dr Nemur say it dont matter about the inkblots. I told them I dint spill the ink on the cards and I coudnt see anything in the ink. They said that maybe they will still use me. I said Miss Kinnian never gave me tests like that one only spelling and reading. They said Miss Kinnian told that I was her bestist pupil in the adult nite scool becaus I tryed the hardist and I reely wantid to lern. They said how come you went to the adult nite scool all by yourself Charlie. How did you find it. I said I askd pepul and sumbody told me where I shud go to lern to read and spell good. They said why did you want to. I told them becaus all my life I wantid to be smart and not dumb. But its very hard to be smart. They said you know it will probly be tempirery. I said yes. Miss Kinnian told me. I dont care if it herts.
Later I had more crazy tests today. The nice lady who gave it to me told me the name and I asked her how do you spellit so I can rite it in my progris riport. THEMATIC APPERCEPTION TEST. I dont know the frist 2 words but I know what test means. You got to pass it or you get bad marks. This test lookd easy becaus I coud see the picturs. That mixd me up. I said the man yesterday said I shoud tell him what I saw in the ink she said that dont make no difrence. She said make up storys about the pepul in the picturs.
I told her how can you tell storys about pepul you never met. I said why shud I make up lies. I never tell lies any more becaus I always get caut.
She told me this test and the other one the rawshok was for getting personalty. I laffed so hard. I said how can you get that thing from inkblots and fotos. She got sore and put her picturs away. I dont care. It was sily. I gess I faled that test too.
Later some men in white coats took me to a difernt part of the hospitil and gave me a game to play. It was like a race with a white mouse. They called the mouse Algernon. Algernon was in a box with a lot of twists and turns like all kinds of walls and they gave me a pencil and a paper with lines and lots of boxes. On one side it said START and on the other end it said FINISH. They said it was [i]amazed[/i] and that Algernon and me had the same [i]amazed[/i] to do. I dint see how we could have the same [i]amazed[/i] if Algernon had a box and I had a paper but I dint say nothing. Anyway there wasnt time because the race started.
One of the men had a watch he was trying to hide so I woudnt see it so I tryed not to look and that made me nervus.
Anyway that test made me feel worser than all the others because they did it over 10 times with difernt [i]amazeds[/i] and Algernon won every time. I dint know that mice were so smart. Maybe thats because Algernon is a white mouse. Maybe white mice are smarter then other mice.
progris riport 4-Mar 8
Their going to use me! Im so exited I can hardly rite. Dr Nemur and Dr Strauss had a argament about it first. Dr Nemur was in the office when Dr Strauss brot me in. Dr Nemur was worryed about using me but Dr Strauss told him Miss Kinnian rekemmended me the best from all the people who she was teaching. I like Miss Kinnian becaus shes a very smart teacher. And she said Charlie your going to have a second chance. If you volenteer for this experament you mite get smart. They dont know if it will be perminint but theirs a chance. Thats why i said ok even when I was scared because she said it was an operashun. She said dont be scared Charlie you done so much with so little I think you deserv it most of all.
So I got scaird when Dr Nemur and Dr Strauss argud about it. Dr Strauss said I had something that was very good. He said I had a good [i]motor-vation[/i]. i never even knew I had that. I felt proud when he said that not every body with an eye-q of 68 had that thing. I dont know what it is or where I got it but he said Algernon had it too.
Algernons [i]motor-vation[/i] is the cheese they put in his box. But it cant be that because I didnt eat any cheese this week.
Then he told Dr Nemur something I dint understand so while htey were talking I wrote down some of the words.
He said Dr Nemur I know Charlie is not what you had in mind as the first of your new brede of intelek** (couldnt get the word) superman. But most people of his low ment** are host** and uncoop** they are usualy dull apath** and hard to reach. He has a good natcher hes intristed and eager to please.
Dr Nemur said remember he will be the first human beeng ever to have his intelijence trippled by surgicle meens.
Dr Strauss said exakly. Look at how well hes lerned to read and write for his low mentel age its as grate an acheve** as you and I lerning einstines therey of **vity without help. That shows the intenss motor-vation. Its comparat** a tremen** achev** I saw we use Charlie.
I dint get all the words and they were talking to fast but it sounded like Dr Strauss was on my side and l ike the other one wasnt.
Then Dr Nemur nodded he said all right maybe your right. We will use Charlie. When he said that I got so exited I jumped up and shook his hand for being so good to me. I told him thank you doc you wont be sorry for giving me a second chance. And I mean it like I told him. After the operashun im gonna try to be smart. Im gonna try awful hard.
progris ript 5-Mar 10
Im skared. Lots of people who work here and the nurses and the people who gave me the tests came to rbing me candy and wish me luck. I hope I have luck. I got my rabits foot and my lucky penny and my horse shoe. Only a black cat crossed me when I was comming to the hospitil. Dr Strauss says dont be superstitis Charlie this is sience. Anyway Im keeping my rabits foot with me.
I asked Dr. Strauss if Ill beat Algernon in the race after the operashun and he said maybe. If the operashun works Ill show that mouse I can be as smart as he is. Maybe smarter. Then Ill be abel to read better and spell the words good and know lots of things and be like other people. I want to be smart like other people. If it works perminint they will make everybody smart all over the wurld.
They dint give me anything to eat this morning. I dont know what that eating has to do with getting smart. Im very hungry and Dr Nemur took away my box of candy. That Dr Nemur is a grouch. Dr Strauss says I can have it back after the operashun. You cant eat befor a operashun. . .
Progress Report 6-Mar 15
The operashun dint hurt. He did it while I was sleeping. They took off the bandijis frmo my eyes and my head today so I can make a PROGRESS REPORT. Dr Nemur who looked at some of my other ones says I spell PROGRESS wrong and he told me how to spell it and REPORT too. I got to try and remember that.
I have a very bad memary for spelling. Dr Strauss says its ok to tell about all the things that happin to me but he says I shoud tell more about what I feel and what I think. Nothing happened. I dont know what to think about. Maybe if I ask him he will tell me how I can think now that Im suppose to get smart. What do smart people think about. Fancy things I suppose. I wish I knew some fancy things alredy.
Progress Report 7-mar 19
Nothing is happining. I had lots of tests and different kinds of races with Algernon. I hate that mouse. He always beats me. Dr Strauss said I got to play those games. And he said some time I got to take those tests over again. Those inkblots are stupid. And those pictures are stupid too. I like to draw a picture of a man and a woman but I wont make up lies about people.
I got a headache from trying to think so much. I thot Dr Strauss was my frend but he dont help me. He dont tell me what to think or when Ill get smart. Miss Kinnian dint come to see me. I think writing these progress reports are stupid too.
Progress Report 8-Mar 23
Im going back to work at the factery. They said it was better I shud go back to work but I cant tell anyone what the operashun was for and I have to come to the hospitil for an hour evry night after work. They are gonna pay me mony ever month for lerning to be smart.
Im glad Im going back to work because I miss my job and all my friends and all the fun we have there.
Dr Strauss says I shud keep writing things down but I dont have to do it every day just whne I think of something or something speshul happins. He says dont get discoridged because it takes time and it happins slow. He says it took a long time with Algernon before he got 3 times smarter then he was before. Thats why Algernon beats me all the time because he had that operashun too. That makes me feel better. I coud probly do that [i]amazed[/i] faster than a reglar mouse. Maybe some day Ill beat Algernon. Boy that would be something. So far Algernon looks like he mite be smart perminent.
[i]Mar 25[/i] (I dont have to write PROGRESS REPORT on top any more just when I hand it in once a week for Dr Nemur to read. I just have to put the date on. That saves time)
We had a lot of fun at the factery today. Joe Carp say hey look where Charlie had his operashun what did they do Charlie put some brains in. I was going to tell him but I remembered Dr Strauss said no. Then Frank Reilly said what did you do Charlie forget your key and open your door the hard way. They made me laff. Their really my friends and they like me.
Sometimes somebody will say hey look at Joe or Frank or George he really pulled a Charlie Gordon. I dont know why they say that but they always laff. This morning Amos Borg who is the 4 man at Donnegans used my anme when he shouted at Ernie the office boy. Ernie lost a packige. He said Ernie for godsake what are you trying to be a Charlie Gordon. I dont understand why he said that. I never lost any packiges.
[i]Mar 28[/i] Dr Straus came to my room tonight to see why I dint come in like I was suppose to. I told him I dont like to race with Algernon any more. He said I dont have to for a while but I shud come in. He had a present for me only it wasnt a present but just for lend. I thot it was a little television but it wasnt. He said I got to turn it on when I go to sleep. I said your kidding why shud I turn it on when im going to sleep. Who ever herd of a thing like that. But he said if I want to get smart I got to do what he says. I told him I dint think I was going to get smart and he put his hand on my sholder and said Charlie you dont know it yet but your getting smarter all the time. You wont notice for a while. i think he was just being nice to make me feel good because I dont look any smarter.
Oh yes I almost forgot. I asked him when I can go back to class at Miss Kinnians school. He said I wont go their. He said that soon Miss Kinnian will come to the hospitil to start and teach me speshul. I was mad at her for not comming to see me when I got the operashun but I like her so maybe we will be frends again.
[i]Mar 29[/i] That crazy TV kept me up all night. How can I sleep with something yelling crazy things all night in my ears. And the nutty pictures. Wow. I dont know what it says when Im up so how am I going to know when Im sleeping.
Dr Strauss says its ok. He says my brains are lerning when I sleep and that will help me when Miss Kinnian starts my lessons in the hospitl (only I found out it isnt a hospitil its a labatory). I think its all crazy. if you c an get smart when your sleeping why do people go to school. That thing I dont think will work. I use to watch the late show and the late late show on TV all the time and it never made me smart. Maybe you have to sleep while you watch it.
PROGRESS REPORT 9-
April 3
Dr Strauss showed me how to keep the TV low so now I can sleep. I dont hear a thing. And I still dont undestand what it says. A few times I play it over in the morning to find out what I lerned when I was sleeping and I dont think so. Miss Kinnian says Maybe its another langwidge or something. But most times it sounds american. It talks so fast faster than even Miss Gold who was my teacher in 6 grade and I remember she talked so fast I couldnt undestand her.
I told Dr. Strauss what good is it to get smart in my sleep. I want to be smart when Im awake. he says its the same thing and I have two minds. Theres the [i]subconscious[/i] and the [i]conscious[/i] (thats how you spell it). And one dont tell the other what its doing.
They dont even talk to each other. Thats why I dream. And boy have I been having crazy dreams. Wow. Ever since that night TV. The late late late late late show.
I forgot to ask him if it was only me or if everybody had those two minds.
(I just looked up the word in the dictionary Dr Strauss gave me. The word is [i]subconscious. adj. Of the nature of mental operations yet not present in consciousness; as, subconscious conflict of desires.)[/i] There's more but I still dont know what it means. This isnt a very good dictionary for dumb people like me.
Anyway the headache is from the party. My friends from the factery Joe Carp and Frank Reilly invited me to go with them to Muggsys Saloon for some drinks. I dont like to drink but they said we will have lots of fun. I had a good time.
Joe Carp said I shoud show the girls how I mop out the toilet in the factory and he got me a mop. I showed them and everyone laffed when I told that Mr Donnegan said I was the best janiter he ever had because I like my job and do it good and never come late or miss a day except for my operashun.
I said Miss Kinnian always said Charlie be proud of your job because you do it good.
Everybody laffed and we had a good time and they gave me lots of drinks and Joe said Charlie is a card when hes potted. I dont know what that means but everybody likes me and we have fun. I cant wait to be smart like my best frends Joe Carp and Frank Reilly.
I dont remember how the party was ovfer but I think I went out to buy a newspaper and coffe for Joe and Frank and when i came back there was no one their. I looked for them all over till late. Then I dont remember so good but I think I got sleepy or sick. A nice cop brot me back home. Thats what my landlady Mrs Flynn says.
But I got a headache and a big lump on my head and black and blue all over. I think maybe I fell but Joe Carp says it was the cop they beat me up drunks some times. I don't think so. Miss Kinnian says cops are to help people. Anyway I got a bad headache and Im sick and hurt all over. I dont think Ill drink anymore.
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| In Pain |
| 12.03.03 (11:20 am) [edit] |
At PE today we did this scooter relay thing. It was so hard. We had to go in and out of cones backwords and forwards and it was just.. AHH!
The first few times were okay but then I had to push this guy who was sitting on the scooter and I did it too fast and I fell and rolled over LOL. And so I was laying on my back on the blacktop for like three seconds. Then I got up and finished pushing him and almost fell again.
My right elbow hurts a lot because I like scraped it when I fell. It's okay, I'm not bleeding. My hands were soo dirty when we were done. Our row lost. Oh well, I don't care. I didn't like it because well, I hurt myself lol.
In 1st/2nd period we read this story called Flowers For Algernon. It's a really good story! It makes you go, "Aww.." It's about this guy who is um well. Mentally challenged. And he is in this hospital being tested and has surgery and he really wants to be smart. It's so sad but it's sooo so so SO good!
We get to watch a movie on it once we're done. I can't wait. Wow. I'm actually looking forward to doing something in class. Surprise. :P
Khrysten was bugging me so much at Nutrition. She kept saying, "I'm sorry, Vannessa! I'm sorry! Please forgive me! I was just joking around! Please Vannessa! Forgive me! Forgive me!"
She was like pulling on my backpack and stuff and I was like [i]OMG JUST GO AWAY![/i] I didn't say that to her though.. Briana is mad at her too. And Khrysten was like, "Briana is mad too but she is still talking to me." and I was like, "Well I'm not like her.." and I just walked away.
She kept on following me and I was like omg. I don't want to like.. be friends with her anymore. If she's constantly using me and Denise, etc., whenever Briana's not around then... I don't know.
I bet at Lunch she's going to try to talk to me again and ask for forgiveness. I'm [i]not[/i] going to forgive her. It's just like what she did was soo messed up and I still can't believe it.
I'll write more once I get home most likely. Well maybe not.. I don't really have any use going on the computer if [i]someone[/i]'s not gonna talk to me. Gotta go, bye!
~Vannessa
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| I Don't Get It |
| 12.02.03 (11:27 pm) [edit] |
Okay so today I told someone something that happened. I know that it's important to them. To me, I'm nice. I'm a good friend to everyone. And I thought I was being one when I told them what happened, because they care so much, and I care about them. I don't want them to be sad or hurt or anything like that.
So now, "our friendship is over"... because I told them. I let them know about it and I don't even get a thank-you. They don't appreciate me telling them. They don't appreciate [i]me[/i].
I'm crying right now. I'm reading what they said to me, over and over again. I don't believe it. It's not my fault for what happened today, and it's not my fault for being a good friend and letting my friend know about it.
But we're not friends now.
I'm not going to talk to them. I'm not going to call them. I'm not even going to think of them. Why? Because they told me to.
I'm sorry, but I can't do that last one.
I'm sorry I'm not a good enough friend to you, Joe.
[i]I'm sorry.[/i]
Let me be a good friend and go kill myself.
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| Sad-ish |
| 12.02.03 (9:57 pm) [edit] |
:cry:
^ That really explains a lot.
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